Frozen

I know what it's like to not feel
To be numb
Empty
Without

The emotions of others can
overwhelm
Maybe that's why I do it
Why I impersonate
Your feelings
Or theirs

Maybe I don't have any
Of my own

Maybe I'm empty
Like ice
Numb to the touch
Without feeling

Maybe I'm just lost
Trying to find myself
In the eyes of another

Walking Around

after five minutes I am lost

but I know exactly where I am

the dried up concrete buckling under

every step – same as yesterday

or was that Tuesday?

my feet move mindlessly

dragging me where they know to go

even though

there is nowhere to go

in this town

I make circles

forgetting how I get from one place

to another

I stroll along serenely, with my eyes, my shoes, my rage –

forgetting everything

mind racing for minutes

or has it been hours?

worn holes crack through the rubber

as I feel the heaves in the road

after five minutes I am lost

and I don’t want to be found

Lost Within

a stiffness runs through me
no cause – no reason
no anger or frustration
just numbness
spreading
sinking
seeping through

a constant
irritation
a need to be
on edge
for no reason

answers escape me
as I try to make them up
to explain
why I am the way
that I am

failure persists through me
as you will never understand
and neither will I

Numbness

I feel numb

and oblivious

clouded from the thoughts

that roam through my mind

masked from any

feelings

as if they were toxic 

to my wellbeing

answers escape me

yet the questions keep flowing

leaving me at a loss

that I didn't know

was possible