Obstacles (5/13/19)

The hopelessness that sets in
is almost impossible to bear
sitting by
waiting it out
hoping it will all turn out ok
but life doesn't work that way
we are dealt a hand
of cards
with unfortunate obstacles
and exciting surprises
but not everyone's hand is
balanced
most – in fact – are not
and as I watch others flip their
card of surprise
I'm left behind
staring at my newest obstacle
holding back tears
wanting to scream
misery clawing at my throat
attempting to bring others down
with me
but I won't
I refuse
because it's my card
not theirs
and they don't deserve the pain
...
just call it another one
of my obstacles.

You Make Me (4/26/19)

I am made to be the villain
all powerful and corrupt
filled with anger and hostility
with no understanding
or sympathy

But that is not me
It is not who I am
It is not who I want to be
This person you make me

So I sit and cry
and try to understand
where I went wrong
or what I can do to
fix it all

But I'm at a loss
and no thoughts
will come
and there are no answers
to this world you've created

I'm in a box
made to be
someone
I am not
yet it's all that
you see
when you look at
me

I am made to be the victim
helpless and alone
stuck with no guidance
no answers in sight

I am made to be the victim
filled with anger and hostility
with no understanding
or sympathy
for me.