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Friday, January 31, 2014

I Get The Last Word (Short Story)

Walking from one class to another, Amelia’s mind dips into an over-thinking pot of regret, where only the damaging memories manage to manifest. Blind to the world around her, she walks the path from building to building, numb and expressionless, wearing her every emotion on her sleeve for the world to see through her blank stares as she tunes them all out. Her black-heeled boots sink into the ground as she struggles to make it to class on time.

Unable to shake Keith from her mind, his blue eyes burning as his dirty blonde hair stuck straight up after she rubbed a balloon through it. Their last encounter incessantly repeats itself behind her eyelids as she walks through the snow in her own personal haze.

“It needed to happen,” he said. 
“You needed a kick in the ass,” he smirked.

Amelia shakes her head and opens her eyes, stopping abruptly to keep herself from running into a snow bank, while dancing awkwardly to get the cold, frozen water out of her boot.

It’s true. She knows it. But it doesn’t make it any easier to accept.

Words escape her mind as she tries to piece together the puzzle of the statements that float and collide within her, slowly eating away at her sanity.

Fear. It’s true. It exists. She can’t avoid it anymore. Getting kicked to the curb was the last opportunity it would get. No more fear. It can’t control her. She won’t let it.

“It was obvious. Fear always controlled you,” Keith shoved at her from behind her eyelids.
Not anymore.
Last month. It wasn’t even that long ago that she face planted the earth with her dignity. She couldn’t even pick herself up and brush it off. Shock had rushed through her limbs and temporarily paralyzed her. Lifted from the ground, she could only return to the coarse embrace it reciprocated.

“It needed to happen.” His words flashed through her mind again.

The blunt force that she felt pushing against her body is one that she will never forget. But the fear? That had to go. Amelia fought with the memories that wormed their way into her mind when convenient, and pushed them away to the best of her abilities.

Tomorrow. It would happen tomorrow whether he liked it or not. Hiding was no longer an option despite his expectation to watch her fall apart and hit the ground again – this time with more damage inflicted.

That prick. What kind of guy wants a girl to fall? To break? To be so scared that she can’t get up?

Tomorrow Amelia will get back on that horse. She’ll show him. Fear doesn’t control her. Fear doesn’t dictate what she can or cannot do – and neither does he.

Amelia’s mind began jumping hurdles again. She was right on track for the whole race. Until Keith appeared in the corner of her eye, giving instructions to the massive creature that was flying beneath her.

Telling Brady to halt as they approached the second to last hurdle had to have been intentional. It didn’t make sense though. Why make her fall? Why make her lose after they had trained so long for it.

Shaking her head again, Amelia stopped. No more. That was it. It didn’t matter what anyone else wanted or planned for her. Not fear. Not Keith.

Opening the over-sized door that stubbornly didn’t want to open in front of her, Amelia walked into her classroom, sat down, and shut off her brain.

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Choice

I dwell in possibility
never knowing
always thinking
of what could be

I move forward
and turn thoughts
into actions
creating my own destiny.

Thursday, January 16, 2014

Found

me?
I drifted away long ago
got lost in a sea of
my own salt
and almost drowned
until now

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

R.I.P.

I know something has changed
but I don't want to admit it

I don't want to believe it
but I know it's the truth

I hope you are happy
and I'll always remember
how strong you stayed through it all

your hand against mine
always full of love and strength
just like you

I'm sorry I wasn't there in the end
but I know you know how I feel

nothing will be the same without
you here
but that's okay
because you know I'll carry you everywhere

Stuck

I wait
and I try
but I get stuck
my breathing stops
and it hurts to wait

I try to listen
to hear what's not said
to understand what's yet to be
realized

but each time
any stomach falls
waiting
hoping
wishing it was you

Monday, January 13, 2014

Cascading Essence

the light shined through
just enough to cast a shadow
outlining each petal
against the pale, freshly painted wall

the purity
and simplicity
seems mockingly
easy

the reds fade to pinks
as the pinks turn to browns
reminding us that there is always
worse out there

and sometimes our problems
are merely
a simple
shadow

Saturday, January 11, 2014

Play For You

colors swooped and swirled
behind his closed eyelids
surrounding him
as the music soared
enveloping him
as the notes vibrated
expressing him
as the music spoke
what words could not

it was the music
that made it worth it
that reached within
and showed the world
what was hiding:
the raw
the real

music is unique
meaning something different
to everyone
but to him it meant
life
connection
independence
happiness
and a partnership
that could never be broken


Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Lost

Sometimes it aches
When the thought thinks
And analyzing completes
Driving it all extinct

But the truth is unknown
And happiness floats
And all we try to do is find it

Mystery and misery
Go hand in hand
As we scour and search
Yearning for answers

And right when one appears
Three others are gone
As we hope for the truth
The truth that is none

Found Poem: Love and Meaning

To the one who stole my heart,
can you promise me something?
I don't want to break your heart
But I need you...
So can you be mine?

because you are you
and at this point I don't know what
I'd do without you
I wished for you once
and my wish came true:
you're mine

But please don't worry...
because what we say stands for us
and when you don't believe me, it hurts
because this goes both ways:
I will never let you fall,
and I'm never giving up
and I can't bare the pain of losing
you
because I can't imagine life without
you...
and I'm not sure what I'd do without
you
but fall apart
so please don't let me go

we can get through this
I am certain about that
I got you
I can't just end that

...I just wanted you to know that
because I will not let you disappear
from my life
and that might be selfish
but it would hurt me more to not be
able to call you mine
I don't want to let you go
and I won't let it happen without a
fight.

So before you leave
please know
I'd much rather crash with you in my arms
than alone
I'm happiest while around you
you are the first thing I think about
when I wake up,
and the last thing I think about
before I go to bed.
my brain gets scrambled to the point
where words cannot describe
and I'd rather stay up talking to you

I'm your idiot in shiny tinfoil
the one to warm your ears when
they're cold
the one who passes out while talking
to you...
You fit me so perfectly in every way
I'm your snuggle buddy
and I feel so perfect when I'm with you

and take my word for it
I want it to stay that way forever
Because I believe in us
– the us we talk about on
Valentine's Day
because when we can't be together
every day
and my bed feels empty without you
it kills me
so yes, I'm begging
because I want you in my arms right
now

I don't think there are enough words
but I will never let you fall
and I will always play for you
because you mean the world to me
and nothing else matters when I'm
around you

Through thick and thin
Right by your side, where I belong
I have you and you have me
that's all that matters...

So please, let me hold you forever
and never let go.

I am so glad we happened
and there are things you say
that make me fall for you all over
again
but these are all your words
and I just wanted to say:
It's exactly how I feel.

So, to the one who stole my heart,
you make keep it, because as you
may already know, it has always
been yours to have.
And I hope that you will treat my heart
with love and care
so it lasts a long time.
Because I gave you my heart
in its entirety
because you truly are the one for
me.

Frozen

I know what it's like to not feel
To be numb
Empty
Without

The emotions of others can
overwhelm
Maybe that's why I do it
Why I impersonate
Your feelings
Or theirs

Maybe I don't have any
Of my own

Maybe I'm empty
Like ice
Numb to the touch
Without feeling

Maybe I'm just lost
Trying to find myself
In the eyes of another