No Looking Back

sometimes I stand by
watching, staring, gazing
wondering if you ever notice
the pain in my eyes

passing by me
you look straight through
as if all I am
is a web of lies

the screams within
go unspoken
the words I speak
go unnoticed

the falling rain
envelopes me
drowning me
trying to make me forget

taking it all away
the pain and the glares
the screams and the stares
and me

I Get The Last Word (Short Story)

Walking from one class to another, Amelia’s mind dips into an over-thinking pot of regret, where only the damaging memories manage to manifest. Blind to the world around her, she walks the path from building to building, numb and expressionless, wearing her every emotion on her sleeve for the world to see through her blank stares as she tunes them all out. Her black-heeled boots sink into the ground as she struggles to make it to class on time.

Unable to shake Keith from her mind, his blue eyes burning as his dirty blonde hair stuck straight up after she rubbed a balloon through it. Their last encounter incessantly repeats itself behind her eyelids as she walks through the snow in her own personal haze.

“It needed to happen,” he said. 

“You needed a kick in the ass,” he smirked.

Amelia shakes her head and opens her eyes, stopping abruptly to keep herself from running into a snow bank, while dancing awkwardly to get the cold, frozen water out of her boot.

It’s true. She knows it. But it doesn’t make it any easier to accept.

Words escape her mind as she tries to piece together the puzzle of the statements that float and collide within her, slowly eating away at her sanity.

Fear. It’s true. It exists. She can’t avoid it anymore. Getting kicked to the curb was the last opportunity it would get. No more fear. It can’t control her. She won’t let it.

“It was obvious. Fear always controlled you,” Keith shoved at her from behind her eyelids.

Not anymore.

Last month. It wasn’t even that long ago that she face planted the earth with her dignity. She couldn’t even pick herself up and brush it off. Shock had rushed through her limbs and temporarily paralyzed her. Lifted from the ground, she could only return to the coarse embrace it reciprocated.

“It needed to happen.” His words flashed through her mind again.

The blunt force that she felt pushing against her body is one that she will never forget. But the fear? That had to go. Amelia fought with the memories that wormed their way into her mind when convenient, and pushed them away to the best of her abilities.

Tomorrow. It would happen tomorrow whether he liked it or not. Hiding was no longer an option despite his expectation to watch her fall apart and hit the ground again – this time with more damage inflicted.

That prick. What kind of guy wants a girl to fall? To break? To be so scared that she can’t get up?

Tomorrow Amelia will get back on that horse. She’ll show him. Fear doesn’t control her. Fear doesn’t dictate what she can or cannot do – and neither does he.

Amelia’s mind began jumping hurdles again. She was right on track for the whole race. Until Keith appeared in the corner of her eye, giving instructions to the massive creature that was flying beneath her.

Telling Brady to halt as they approached the second to last hurdle had to have been intentional. It didn’t make sense though. Why make her fall? Why make her lose after they had trained so long for it.

Shaking her head again, Amelia stopped. No more. That was it. It didn’t matter what anyone else wanted or planned for her. Not fear. Not Keith.

Opening the over-sized door that stubbornly didn’t want to open in front of her, Amelia walked into her classroom, sat down, and shut off her brain.

Try Me

the world begins to crumble
as words attempt to form
always jumping
always skipping
to the place they don't belong

the phrases come out short
always incomplete
endlessly searching
for the right term
to make it sound elite

it never seems quite right
perfection merely just a phase
it should be like
flying with a kite
if it didn't put me in a daze

it all begins to fade
since I couldn't seem to say
the phrase that needed
to be said
and instead decided to make it read

Nostalgia

the words flow through my mind
reminding me of the times
the memories
when it was all so simple
there were no questions
or assumptions
no judgements
or tears

laughter always resonated
from my throat
and happiness felt so
natural
as it spread across my face

but things change
and people grow
the past is gone
the future unknown
and all we have
is this moment

Numbness

I feel numb

and oblivious

clouded from the thoughts

that roam through my mind

masked from any

feelings

as if they were toxic 

to my wellbeing

answers escape me

yet the questions keep flowing

leaving me at a loss

that I didn't know

was possible

Help The Helpless

I search and struggle
spending my years living
yearning for the epiphany
that would make it all
clear
that would open my mind
and provide me with the answers
I need
to set my mind to rest
but before that happens
it will endure the secrets of the
world
it will become a ghost of solitude
and before I can find my
answers
I'll forget my questions
because that's how
the world works